September 19, 2017

It’s day 18.

Miracles do happen! My towel has returned back to me!

The morning in the albergue starts unusally early, it’s 5am and everything quakes and shakes. Alright, I get up, pack my bag and off I go. The first leg is 15+1,5km, I don’t like the long bits, I prefer three times five. It’s still night, and I have no idea where I put my torch. It’s fine when the road leads through towns and industrial part, but then the road turns in to a forest. Hmmm… I scratch my head and yawn, something flickers in the distance, and run towards it.

There are two Spanish ladies walking in front of me, they both have small torches, but they have no idea how to look for signs in the darkness. Ha! I have already become an expert so we join forces  – their light and my logic and intuition.

The oaktree tops, entangled, look weird, and then a bird screams…The Spanish say ‘ai, ai, ai’ from time to time, but I am walking and thinking about the answer I got in my dream. We are made up from many facets, there is an inner child, a teenager, an adult, and the famous four – our mind, emotions, body and soul. To successfully build relationship with yourself and those around you, to successfully self-realize, the four must be united. For the past several nights I have been seeing bits and pieces in my dreams about the time when my four started collapsing. When there are too many emotional  blows (the inner child is responsible for emotions), there are created some sort of pockets, where this information is kept, people sometimes say – I don’t feel anything, I don’t care, but really deep and hard blocks are created. And every night the mind knocks on the emotions’s door ‘knock! Knock! Can we let this and this go?’ Most of the time emotions answer ‘no!!’ It’s simple – by keeping the hurtful experience, they try to save themselves from new jolts.

Then, when I had too much of everything, the mind took over the management, and the body had no other choice but to obey.  Emotions backed down, the soul hid who knows where. They all were together only when I worked, the work I did every day, seeing you all; it became my whole world; while working, no matter how long the days, I didn’t feel any tiredness, I had a smile on my lips and happiness.

Here it is! The obvious yet unbelievable – 450km in 18 days!

Santiago – the End of the Way? Or Is It?

To end the Camino saga. I’ve been home for a couple of days,  and autumn Navaratrī (a festival of solstice) is a great continuations of the Road. That is a chance to say my gratitude for the experience and the gained. Despite everything, this was one of the most beautiful trips, the most miraculous adventures of my life. I want to dispel some of the myths that, judging from the letters and  comments received, might have occurred.

First of all: My Road had nothing to do with the path of Golgate, suffering or torment.

Yes, it was a challenge for my unprepared body, but I deal with it.  At no point did I even get the idea that I was walking a path of torture or suffering. I was always smiling and I still am. I think that anyone who did something out of their usual rhythms or out of their comfort zone would have a description similar to mine.

Secondly: Nobody was hiding behind a bush or a pile of rocks with a brick of spirituality in their hands to give it out to the pilgrims – the Way doesn’t give any revelations.

The pilgrim is the person who gets to feel and get the answers, if the right questions were asked.  It’s been five years since I have seriously started to clean ‘my attic’, I am learning ‘to sing my own song’ through The Mirroring techniques, Hellinger Systemic Constellations which have helped me to understand and work out through some really painful experiences and loses. Time was needed to sort of systemize it all and free up space for new adventures, experiences and feelings. I was more than ready for my Camino, I was trying to calm down my excitement for a couple of months prior by saying ‘Just a moment more! Just a bit more and you can let your fire out!’ I managed to spend time with the most important people of my life, to settle the unsettled things, to say the unsaid, and say my good-byes.

Thirdly: this was my diary, my experience, that I allowed myself to share with others in order to help me clean ‘my attic’.

Partly to confirm to myself that everything that you want is possible in this life; partly to show to someone who is struggling right now that it is possible to get out of even the deepest and darkest of pits; that life is exciting, interesting and colourful even after major losses; that there are many, very many kind people in the world that are ready to help out if you only let it happen, if you open your eyes and look beyond “no one loves me”,“I don’t believe anybody”, “nobody can help me”, “this only happens to me”. We all have a choice – to move on or to stay with the current feelings, because it is safe, and continue building a wall of sadness, disbelief and doom. Neither astrologist, tarot card reader nor any other ‘portal’ will be able to take the first step instead of you. Yes, they can help you find the direction in which to start with, but the choice is yours.

I have walked my Camino, but the road continues. I am happy and grateful if it helped someone to make that first step, if I was able to create a safe place to start making changes.

Thank you for being with me, thanks go to my chat group, thanks to all those who helped me gather all the necessary equipment – I would not have done it without you. And now, when I am home, I continue smiling and I say that I would not change or give away any single moment of the Camino, I can write about the first day, The Day that was beyond anything comprehensible that set the tone of the Camino.